


Restless

by Anonymous



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Marriage Proposal, Sad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-22 09:22:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30036528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: I can't sleep, listen to me drabble. Chapters will vary, and my idea's will come alive in all different sorts of ways in this writing. Maybe this will become a series- or just a way for me to get thoughts out of my head. Either way, I'd love for you to come along with me on this journey. I can only hope this helps my restless nights.
Kudos: 1
Collections: Attack on Titan/Shingeki no Kyojin, Shingeki no Kyojin





	Restless

**Author's Note:**

> ***CHAPTER 138 SPOILERS***

Day has broke over Eldia, sending beams of sunshine across the baren fields of Wall Maria, Rose, and Sina. You lay propped against a tree with your lover, holding one another in the blissful silence.

His hair, so thin and nimble between your fingers. The color is rich, a blonde mane with chestnut hues. Your digits smooth over his ends before they meet again at the top of his dome, combing through the masculines locks. You bring your other hand atop his cranium, drawing figure eights into his scalp, which earns you a small grunt.

"Mm?" You coo.

"Stop that,"

"Stop what?" you retaliate playfully.

You poke at the prodding jaw of the man between your propped legs, gently pressing the pad of your index finger into his cheek. Out stretched hands come to entertwine with your own, and they pull you hunched over his forehead.

"You're no fun, Jean." You state, licking over your previously dry lips. 

His forehead is tilted into your chest then, his eyes flickering upwards to bore into your own. You take this intimate moment to examine his mien. For someone whos often made fun of for his elongated features, you find them quite handsome. His nose goes out into a straight slant, and they compliment his strong cheekbones. Lips are full, and pulled into a straight line. His features fit him perfectly.

His hand encircles your wirst, keeping the back of your hand against his cheek. Only then had you realized you were stroking his features, counting them off in your mind. He gently kisses the back of your hand, snapping you back into reality with a blazing heat crawling up the nape of your neck. He pulls you into his grasp, your neck craned as you lean into his kiss. Its passionate, and it feels deep with an sweet underlying meaning. His lips feel so cold, you note- you should get inside soon.

"Marry me when this is all over," He pulls away from your lips, and you stir in silence when he seems deathly serious. His eyes linger over your face, searching for an answer. His words are worrisome, and he looks at you like your the only thing that matters. You capture him in another small kiss, relishing in the feeling that is Jean Kirstein. You hope it means something- an untold gesture, that you will reciprocate his feelings.

"Weirdo-" You pull away with a small snicker. You pull yourself up from your perched position, reaching out a hand for him to take. Only he doesn't. 

You turn your head then after taking a few steps back, searching for his teasing look. His hazel orbits find you then, tracing up the curves of your abdomen and resting on your confused expression. To your suprise though, the look he gives you is less than pleasant, his eyes are slanted, lidded even. And It sends shivers down your spine, and your filled with dread.

"I did it for you," He speaks now, and his voice- its so far.

"What?" Your brows arch, questioning him. Only then did the realization hit, the familiarity of the situation. You can feel the lump. That lump in the back of your throat, the one that bobs- daring to spill over into unrelenting sobs. Your searching his face for something, anything- as the prickling droplits finally tear at your eyes. A burning sensation lingers as they roll; past your checks, down the curve of your smile lines- over your lips. They drop finally at the peak of your chin, a constant reminder as they disappear into the million blades of grass.

His eyes seem so hollow as they stare aimlessly into your own. So empty, you think to yourself.

"Is this.. not what you wanted?" Jean is standing now, clad in his black gear. Equipment slung over his shoulders- strapped into the omnidirectional mobility gear. Everything appears a daze now, your eyes have grown cloudy, and the wind has picked up. You could of sworn he was in leisure clothes- his usual olive button down having gone missing. You double back to your surroundings, though its still only you and Jean. You look over his appearance, and only now do you realize how tired he seems. His stubble has grown out, and dark circles loom under his lidded pools. A small haze drafts about your ankles swiftly, and you realize now as it envelopes Jeans torso, too.

When you finally come to your actuality, you know its all too late. It seizes your breath and steals your lungs. Your coughing desperately, wildly calling for Jean, telling him to come back. Its not safe you'd say, remember Ragako? Hes turned now, he cant hear you and its clear now.

He's disappearing, It all looks too similar. Its happening again, you're losing him.

You've crashed to your knees, slumped into the earth and writhing and grasping at your neck. Your body has grown slack, freezing in place. You scarcely make out two frames in the distance, looped and hugging into one another.

"So this.. is how it ends for us." Jean is talking, but not to you. You hear the second voice a moment later, recognizing it instantly.

"Guess so. We'll entrust them with the rest," Connie?

"Thats what it means to die as a member of the Survey Corps," Jean speaks slowly, its slushy in your brain, making your limbs weak. Jean is dying- and soon, won't this be your fate aswell?

You can't move, your mind is aching- it seems your fate has been decided as your throat comes to a swell.

"Do you remember Jean? The night of the entrance ceremony?"

Its reluctant, but the response comes soon enough "..Yeah,"

"You know this is your fault, right? That we ended up stuck with the job of saving humanity." 

You can almost hear the stupid smirk on his face then, and you think to yourself how one can make such a crude joke on their deathbed.

Lightning strikes the earth, several times, a dozen, another, once more- it never seems to stop. It makes you dizzy, and drives you to the brink. The pain never ceases, even as the plateu is left deserted.

*************************

You wake up in a shivering cold sweat, singular in your bed, the fluid pooling around your meek frame.

Its happened again. The same dream, over, and over. 

"Don't leave me, Jean," You croak despratley, tears streaming from your enclosed pools, along with the acknowledgement that Jean is already dead.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, I don't expect this to get much attention- and if im honest im not much of a writer. I intend for these chapters to be all randomized, and this one happened to be particularly sad. I'd love to read your comments, and I'll happily accept crit!!


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